I am strong

Sometimes,

I shut myself up in my room
And cry
Cry out all the pain
That’s bottled up inside
All the anger and the loneliness and guilt and fear
Along with a million other emotions
Raging a battle within me for control
They threaten to tear me apart
As my heart starts to break
And I’m aching inside
It’s all the little things
Piled up on each other
Threatening to break me
As I cry inside
There’s no gain in denying the pain
Because it’s there
It’s always there
Pulsing inside me
Like an unwanted monster
There’s pain and hurt and trauma and fear
Trapped within me
Like bubbling magma
Always ready to rise to the surface
And emerge
Ready to take over my life again
But I won’t let it win
Because I am not the pain
I am not the pain that’s swirling inside
am not the trauma, not the tears that I’ve cried
I am not the hurt, not the hardships I’ve endured
I am stronger than that
Stronger than all my negative emotions
Stronger than the troubles and the trauma and the tears
I can choose to win the battle
And smile

I am stronger than my pain
Strong enough to rise through it
To have seconds or minutes
Or sometimes even hours
When I don’t feel the pain
Even though it’s there
Because I am not the pain

I am strong

by… Ayelet

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